I surprise people when they discover I’m an introvert; I am a bit overdramatic in storytelling and the first to show up, with dessert in hand, to every party. But here are some personality traits common to most successful homesteaders: I draw my strength from being alone, and I measure the day by its’ accomplishments. Even yet, my thirst for life often takes me everywhere from sewing costumes at midnight just days before the performance, to baking 4 dozen cupcakes for the car wash & bake sale. Can you relate?
Everyone must learn to carve their own limits; some of us never do. Several years ago, a friend stepped into my life and took care of the homestead and my children for nearly 2 weeks so that I could attend a Permaculture Design Course. I gave my friend the quick “how to” on Pantry Paratus order fulfillment, I delegated my church responsibilities, told the kids they were on a 2 week Homeschooling vacation, and I planned to do the rest from the road myself (customer service, product inventory, you get the idea).
Yes, she is the dearest of friends. And I can still hear her South African accent and see the fiery look in her eye when I came home. “You are going to sit down, and you are going to listen to what I have to say.” I was about to hear tough love. She started by giving the list of things that are normally my responsibility that she did not fill, “I didn’t pay bills, I didn’t teach Sunday School, I didn’t write blogs, I didn’t answer customer’s emails or phone calls, or bake everything from scratch; I didn’t homeschool 3 children, I didn’t even clean! You cannot tell me that you sleep, eat properly, or rest.” She continued: “You are slowly killing yourself. You say it is all important to accomplish, but who will do so if you are dead?”
I smirked. She was being overdramatic. Right? She continued, “If you make everything the same level of priority in your life, you are, effectively, choosing to not prioritize. You are saying that, with everything holding equal importance, that nothing at all is important.” Although I disagreed with her at the time, I was so taken aback by her brutal honesty with me that I obeyed her like my mother—I resigned from teaching Sunday School and hired a local teenager to watch the kids for me one morning a week so that I could stay up on things like balancing the checkbook (instead of staying up late after their bedtime).
I have since discovered the wisdom of her words. They became much clearer to me when I took her advice and stepped back from things. Do you know why I’m writing this now? I’ve fallen back into the same tendency. People of action find action, and the action finds them, too. People who take responsibility inherit responsibility. It may be my temperament, my personality, “who I am,” but I do not have to let it master me.
This week, I spoke to the Sunday School Director again and once again resigned (years later, and for the second time). I will be wearing a new hat in my homeschooling community that bears a lot of responsibility. How do I know what responsibilities to accept, what to decline, what to quit? Here are some things I have discovered:
1) Start by admitting that you are indeed replaceable. For much of what is accomplished (out of the home, anyway), do not lie to yourself that you are the only person who can accomplish it. You’ll find this quite freeing, I promise. Don’t worry, your mama (and us here at Pantry Paratus) still think your special.
2) List your life’s priorities. Not the plaque you bought at Target that says, “God, Family, Friends…” not that. My list looks more like this:
a) Maintain my relationship with God through morning devotions and participating in ministry
b) Keep a healthy marriage by prioritizing my husband over my to-do list, having occasional date nights, and communication.
That’s just the start, but do you see the difference? It’s having a mission statement for each priority. This way, I can evaluate every new request or crisis by this list—if I don’t see it listed, I don’t do it! For instance, if I only had “kids” on my list, then an over-the-top birthday party suitable for Honey Booboo might qualify. But when I specify their spiritual, physical, emotional, and educational upbringing… that’s a whole different matter! It’s called setting boundaries, people.
3) Measure the hour and energy expenditure. Some responsibilities are a joy, others a duty. And that’s okay—but if you dread the activity, it is draining you and not recharging you. If you spread yourself thin, you don’t have room in your life for those things. When I was a little girl I learned a concept by rote memory in a church program that has stuck with me—it was about giving back to God (the word is known as “tithing”) and we said that it applied to “time, talent, and money.” We all measure money—how much is going towards charity, towards housing, towards food. Have you ever applied this concept to your talent? To your time? I recommend tracking your days for no less than 3 of them. It isn’t about saying “I wasted a whole hour on the computer;” it’s about discovering what in your day drains you, recharges you, and whether those activities are supporting your priorities (see #2).
There were things others thought I should cut out of my life, but I knew that those things recharged me. Like my ducks—I had 40 ducks that took quite a chunk of my day. But rain or shine, Montana winter or desert-like summer, sitting on the ground and having them crawl all over me was better than a full night’s sleep! I do not regret a minute of my ducks. Even yet, I do not have any right now and look forward to the day that I can again…but that brings me to the last tip for the day:
4) Remember that everything is for a season. Everything. If you signed up to be the meal coordinator 3 years ago, it’s probably okay to find a replacement now if you need to do so. If you have to give up something you love—even something from which you draw strength—hang in there! You never know how life’s experiences will come back around to you, or what new things you’ll discover now!
Be encouraged, learn to say “no” occasionally, and simply!
–Chaya
Tracy
posted on Wednesday, December 24, 2014 12:40:37 PM America/Denver
Jennifer Dages
posted on Wednesday, December 24, 2014 1:33:31 PM America/Denver
Kamay
posted on Monday, December 22, 2014 9:18:31 PM America/Denver