So, I know the title sounds like a bit of a stretch (and potentially offensive to the occasional housewife), but as a housewife myself and after looking at the extensive evidence I am sure that this is true.
Grocery Stores are the Housewives’ Casino.
Let me explain. There is a grocery store being built down the street from my house. This is beyond exciting to me since the closest store that I shop at is currently 30 minutes away. But, the thing that struck me the most were the audacious amount of windows peering into the aisle-clad building.
The mere idea of windows struck me as odd. What kind of grocery store has that many windows in it? With my extensive amounts of time in these particular stores (especially as of late) I can say it is a rare thing to see a grocery store with windows.
The last time I went into a chain store I was met by a (so-called) Greeter at the iron clad double doors as I entered the maze of aisles filled with my desires.
Time was lost on me as my cell phone always goes dead in the cement tomb of that place and old-fashioned clocks are non-existent there. The thing is, I don’t mind. They have Snackers (this is what my 5 year old Boy-Boy calls sample pushers) available throughout the store. And, if needed, there’s always the café or Starbucks just off of aisle seven.
Goldie Locks would be in love with grocery stores. They’re not too hot or too cold (except near the frozen foods). She would say the temperature is just right.
Don’t let me forget about the Smiley People that are always nearby offering to help me get whatever I desire and usually have stickers in hand for my Girly-Girl. They will even lead me to wherever I wish to go.
And when I leave I get to watch my discounts pour in on their computer screen as I listen to the beep-beep-beep of the scanner. Then I get to hear the announcement of how much money I saved as I am handed my receipt!
And if it’s snowing outside, I don’t mind. I got my old high school mixed tape playing through their speaker system (how do they know I secretly still like those songs?).
Of course, I wouldn’t know if it was snowing outside because there are no windows in grocery stores.
Just. Like. Casinos.
In case you have never been to Las Vegas, let me tell you the only windows there are for looking out of your hotel room.
Here’s a checklist to see if you view your grocery store as a casino.
#1 – if you go to the store and see an ad that says text 1234 for a 5% off coupon on a whole turkey what do you do?
Remember, you didn’t have turkey on your shopping list. But who doesn’t want turkey? You could make turkey soup. Maybe have a pre-thanksgiving run? Something! Something awesome.
Problem is? You don’t text. But, if you still leave the store with the (full priced) turkey then the grocery store is your casino.
#2 – The joy comes when you are in a really long line to check out and you are randomly selected to ‘come on down’ to a brand new lane to watch the discounts come pouring in – wait free! You hit the checkout jackpot.
The grocery store is your casino.
#3 – Grocery stores are exciting. You have all the power when you walk through those magical double doors that always open just for you. You plan your attack and count coupons and price-match like a professional. And on more than one occasion you have gone home with the rare prize of BOGO Oreos. Even more impressive are those months that you get the buck off special on your gas bill.
The grocery store is your casino.
#4 – In a grocery store time stands still. If you have the luxury to purchase all your items in one special store then you can lose whole afternoons in there – if you aren’t careful. Those Snackers and cafés with your favorite Ciabatta bread can really mess with your sense of time. But what’s wrong with spending a couple more bucks for something yummy?
The grocery store is your casino.
Let’s face it: casinos have addicted gamblers and alcoholics and grocery stores have extreme couponers and shopaholics.
The age-old advice to never go to a casino when you are poor coincides with grandma’s advice to never go to a store when you are hungry.
So if you don’t believe me just walk into your local grocery store – chain, trendy, or corner shop and look around. Then go home and watch Ocean’s 11 – preferably the newer one.
After that – go get excited about shopping.
It’s an adventure!
You can win big!
And all you have to do is walk through those magic sets of double doors.
Back to my new store: They say there’s going to be a lot of organic stuff and foods that I have a shot at eating. And I’ve been told that if they don’t have what I want then they will get it for me from another store – overnight. For free!
Because I am a valued customer.
I love casinos. I mean, I love grocery stores.
Erin, the Reluctant Naturalist
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